Monthly Archives: March 2022

Whirlwind Day!

Watch this campfire oil painting come to life in 2 minutes (time lapse)

Mellow music, marshmallows on a stick, and dancing flames – a fire can be welcoming and sentimental – childhood memories, family vacations, and warmth on a chilly evening… or, it can be devastating, ravishing, and life altering. Today’s was life altering, but in what looks to be a good way. Instead of a Dumpster fire, it was like a campfire on the last night of summer camp, when everyone sings sentimental songs and wishes they could be with their best buddies forever, but just around the corner summer will end, school will start back up, and the days toward adulthood will fly by.

A dear friend was thinking of me today and texted me. She has a spiritual gift of contacting me right when I’m going through a major life change, and is a calming force. I say “force” because her method of reassurance is helping me see a situation for what it truly is. This isn’t a passive kind of help, it’s the real kind that makes a difference.

Well, after some conversation about how things stand, a few things were meanwhile happening. One thing led to another and there was a flurry of calls, texts and e-mails between me, a realtor, and my husband. It all started when I got fed up with refreshing the rental listings screen yet again and finding nothing new. I wondered if the housing market in general was short on houses. So I checked homes for sale and found quite a few options. I wondered if we were too soon to give up on the possibility that we could buy a home sooner than planned.

I requested information about a house and was surprised to get a quick response. It turned out that this home had no garage, and my husband is a woodworker, so that’s a deal breaker for us. Of course if we truly had no where else to go, we’d do it, but we still have a short while to make something wonderful happen. It seems too early to give up and commit to a house that we don’t want. So, I explained this to the realtor who’d listed that house, and she started asking me what we were looking for.

I told her our situation, how disappointing the rental market is, and how we’d planned to buy next year (because my husband’s new job doesn’t start until June), but we have to vacate this rental by May 31. I said we can’t find a house to rent and we may need to see if we can buy a house earlier than we’d planned.

I’d imagined spending all of next year getting excited about the new house, saving money toward it, and organizing, packing, etc., then happily house hunting for as long as it took to find our perfect house. Because, every move we’ve ever made has been under a fast deadline with few choices and a fair amount of panic. I wanted a fun home buying experience. But, deep down I guess I knew that’s not how we roll.

We went the other direction- instead of less pressure, we’ll do MORE this time around. LOL, well, maybe that’s how the best of me comes out. I thrive under pressure. Even so, I’m happy that my friend got in touch with me today- she was holding me steady when all of this broke loose.

The realtor put my husband in touch with a local lender who got the ball rolling for us. It looks like we will be buying a house!!!! I’ll know more tomorrow, but my fingers are crossed and my prayers are lifted high! After years of this long journey and several detours, we may finally be HOME!!!!! I can hardly keep up with how fast my life is changing. Now it looks like the GOOD kind of change! Isn’t it wonderful how I knew that all along, and was completely calm and cool the whole time? HA HA HA, if you’ve been reading my blog you know better. 🙂

Still, there’s a long way to go from “working toward financing” and being settled into our new home. We haven’t even started looking at houses yet. So, easy now. I’ll see what tomorrow brings (but it’s okay to shout out a WOOT!). 😀 Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Let’s bring ’em on home, keep praying!

I hope all of you are doing well. If you’re also dealing with unexpected changes, stay strong! God bless and keep you. May His face shine upon you and give you peace.

Wasn’t What I Expected

Watch this abstract oil painting come to life in about 1 minute for the “Fred” storybook

Please ignore that website URL at the end, by the way- it’s old and gone. Today felt like that painting. It was a mess of chaotic and erratic emotion, balanced with calming, yet sporadic light and movement- it was quite the day. I was unfortunately NOT lucky, as I’d wished for in yesterday’s post.

We went to look at the house during our appointment time, only to find that several other people were there too! Turns out- without telling us- it was not a private viewing but an open house showing with many interested would-be applicants. The listing agent said that several had already applied before this particular showing! And there are two more showings before they’ll choose who gets to lease the house.

It’s a nice house, and we do want to lease it, but the experience was infuriating. Desperate renters competing for few houses on the rental market, all crammed into the private home at the same time. We had to squeeze past other keen house hunters to navigate our way through the narrow hallways and bedrooms. Why not just throw us peasants into a gladiator pit and let us fight for it, for the entertainment of everyone else?

And this too shall pass, but not today. Today we’re still in a bad situation. I’ll remain hopeful it will all work out. We got a lot of yard sale and packing work done. We plan to apply for that house we looked at today. Who knows, maybe they’ll choose us. We found another house listing and submitted the interest form- that might lead somewhere, but it seems unlikely that it isn’t already spoken for. This is a ridiculously competitive market in a very large radius.

It was a strange day. I’d tell you more about it but I’m tired. Maybe tomorrow, or maybe this is a day best not re-lived. At the end of it, my empty potting table, now light, was knocked over by the wind and landed directly on my new yellow rose bush that I’m keeping. A lovely branch broke off. I wanted to cry. I didn’t. It’s just a flower. Tomorrow’s a new day.

Wish me Luck!

See this clover oil painting come to life in under 1 minute (time lapse)

Yes, these are just weeds, but when I saw the dainty sprig of clover and its pretty delicate yellow flower, I thought of shamrocks and Ireland, and I was inspired to paint them. Were any of those greens a four leaf lucky clover? No, but that’s what I need for tomorrow. We are looking at a house to rent- finally made a connection before someone else snatched it up ahead of us! I hope it holds up in person and it’s not yanked out from under us at the last minute.

So please wish me luck, and say a prayer. We need to find housing fast. Our May deadline will come up quickly- many of the houses are looking for June tenants, and even into August. We’d have to stay in a hotel or a campsite if we can’t find something with a faster move-in date.

I’m feeling lucky. I’ll let you know how it turns out!

Resistant to Change

Watch this oil painting of a cardinal on a tree branch come to life in about 2 minutes (time lapse)

Well, guess who’s cranky about our unexpected move? Mr. Cardinal. He was giving me the sulky grump face all afternoon because I moved things around on the patio. He sat on my empty potting table (got it ready to sell) and stared through the patio glass at me. He fussed like this until my husband emptied the rest of the bird seeds into all of the feeders. Then he was finally placated. He already had food, but a freshly topped off pile distracted him from the changes to his surroundings on the patio.

I’d hate to think that my brain is the size of a bird’s, but I too have been resistant to change. I’ve moved so many times and I’ve always been in a heightened state that welcomes the challenge- except for this time around. This time I felt blindsided and I didn’t take the news gracefully. We were so close to buying a house. We were planning on staying here only one more year, but the homeowner threw water all over that when she sent the official vacate notice- not renewing the lease. Now all of our plans had to be changed. I did not like this. Not one little bit. One more thing out of my control, after many years of things out of my control. I thought we were able to control this move- we’d move next year, to a house of our own, after working so hard to rebuild our lives.

But no, we’ll have to move TWICE now as we aren’t ready to buy a house- my husband’s new job doesn’t start until after our lease runs out. We have to move into another rental. I must admit, I was as resentful as the cardinal after his forced change of scenery. I sulked. I scowled. And I couldn’t be appeased by birdseed.

It has taken me several days of adjustment to settle down, but in reasonable perspective, I went through the 7 stages of grief very quickly. (“Grief” can be interpreted to be any loss or unwanted change). I’m now on the “acceptance” phase for the most part, although I might slip back occasionally. Meanwhile, there has been actual grief in the midst of this, as I have written a long letter and sent a sympathy card to a family member. I don’t want to get into the details of this for privacy reasons, but it has hit me hard and my heart is heavy with it. Too many unexpected and “died suddenly” deaths, and this one was young (in 30’s).

It’s easy to feel during times like this that “the world is bad, what difference does anything make anyway”, “I’ll never win”, “Bad things always happen to good people”, “Hard work never matters”, “Life will always be hard”, “The goalposts keep moving whenever we get close”, “I always try to kick Lucy’s football- of all the Charlie Browns in the world, I’m the Charlie Browniest”. But the truth tells me a different story.

“Voice of Truth” by Casting Crowns lyric video

“You’ll never win, you’ll never win…But the voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says ‘do not be afraid.’… Reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed- you’ll never win, you’ll never win, but the voice of truth tells me a different story… Out of all the voices calling out to me I will choose to listen to the voice of truth.”

So, I’m fighting for a win, and I believe things will all work out. Meanwhile, I got a lot done today. I finished part of the Easter show taping, got more plants ready for the sale this weekend, and packed some household items. I also refreshed the rental listings compulsively and obsessively whenever I didn’t keep myself busy enough. Nothing yet. But tomorrow’s another day. And at this point, I’m excited to get moving.

They’re Back!

Watch this hummingbird oil painting come alive in about 1 minute (time lapse)

The hummingbirds are BACK! LOL, I’ll tell you how I encountered their return. I was preparing for our unexpected move, and taking down the garden hose holder by unscrewing the hose clamps with a screwdriver, while wearing bright colorful floral gloves. Well, the hummingbird must have thought my hand was a flower and he tried to land on me. I didn’t see him until I moved my hand and he blitzed away making a loud buzzing whirring sound that I thought was a bee’s buzz. So I jumped a mile and yelped, as I saw the little bird flit away, seemingly annoyed at the drama and disappointment that I was not the flower he was looking for. 😀

Do you remember when I shared this video I took last year of a hummingbird in our tiny bird swing? I always feel happy looking at this. Here you go! Happy Sunday!

46 seconds of bliss, video I took of a hummingbird using the bird swing

Out of our Control

Watch oil painting “Dove in a Forest” come alive in about 2 minutes (time lapse)

Tonight I’m disappointed that the houses we contact a listing agent about are already spoken for, before we even get a chance. Listings have dozens of contact inquiries after being freshly posted. So, it’s discouraging and I have to will myself not to panic. It will all work out, this unexpected move that we were blindsided by. The housing spike will hurt us, but we’ve been through worse things and we can get through this.

There are times in life when there are things that are out of our control personally, and also world wide. When those days are upon us, it helps to think of the consistency and stability of seasons and nature. They don’t worry. The animals and plants grow and thrive, while the sun rises and sets and the winds storm and calm.

A dove in a forest- if we don’t see it, does it not give us peace? We can imagine it. We can choose to be peaceful instead of anxious. It’s difficult. I’m not saying I’m getting it right every moment because I’m definitely not! I’ve already had some snitty tantrums and weepy moments. I have to work at the calm.

Whatever you’re facing, may you allow yourself to be human. But knowing that it’s not healthy to let adrenaline-pumping emotions surge for too long, be a little less human, and more like a dove in a forest. There we are, just gliding through the cool trees on a sunny day.

Small Signs of Hope

See this oil painting “God’s Promise” come alive in 2 minutes (time lapse)
See the real life place, real double rainbow in photos I took when a hummingbird flew into it

When I painted the double rainbow painting, I was disappointed that I didn’t paint it in a more realistic way, but it was meant to be a fast project. It was somewhat experimental, using a paper towel to blot and remove some color for a fading effect. It worked to some extent, but not to the level I expected. I could have done it better with a paintbrush. But that really wasn’t the point of that particular project. It told a story, which means it met the objective. I had to drop my personal disappointment and move on to the next painting as it was a heavy painting schedule that year.

Well, it was this painting that someone criticized as “a five year old could have done it”. In isolation, this particular art doesn’t represent the kind of work I’m capable of, or the body of work I have done. I thought about removing this from my collection, but I told myself that if I cannot remain humble enough to show my failures and disappointments, then I have lost my way. So every now and then, when I need a double rainbow painting to tell my story, I will dig this one back up even though I know that it doesn’t impress people who judge my art (and me).

Today I was feeling down because the house we inquired about renting had already been promised to someone else. We were too late, and it was upsetting because I’d reached out to the property management and they didn’t answer me. It is like I don’t exist and don’t matter, when it is their company who has managed the house that is pushing us to vacate- you’d think they’d care a bit more about our situation. It brings up a lot of times in the past when I was forgotten, abandoned, not noticed, rejected, and left to fend for myself. These aren’t happy feelings, but I’ll have to push hard and make myself (my family’s situation) noticed.

So, the stressful ordeal continues. We have two months to find a solution to our housing problem. I was stewing about this when washing our outdoor furniture today, preparing it to sell next weekend during a yard sale. I hope to raise enough funds to cover some of our moving costs, and also let go of things to reduce the load we have to move. It’s just stuff. We’ve let go of our possessions before and we can do it again. At least we get to keep more this time. But even so, you can image that my mood while cleaning our things, for others to take for very little, was not exactly joyful.

I scrubbed the furniture down with a bleach solution made with dishwasher pods and hot water, which worked very well to remove pollen and dirt. Then I hosed everything down while listening to music through my headphones (a luxury I don’t often have because I need to be always available and listening to the household while multi-tasking, but this chore was outdoors and I was alone). As I was spraying the water, I felt the sun on my face and realized that I was relaxed. I was enjoying myself- the beautiful weather, the exercise, the music, and the solitude. Everyone was either inside or at work. It was just me and the water, and my music.

This song was playing by MercyMe. The lyrics in particular at that precise moment were “You were made for so much more than all of this” You’re beautiful, just as a rainbow formed from the spray of water. The rainbow, even though easily explained as basic science- water from the hose was caught by the sun- felt like much more than a random event. The rainbow seemed to float in front of my face because it was windy and the water spray was spraying back at me. It was like it was my personal rainbow, almost ON my person.

“Beautiful” by MercyMe lyric video

I will take this serendipitous experience, the water spray rainbow as the MercyMe song played at that same moment, as a small sign of hope. Everything will turn out OK. We’ll weather through the challenges. And if you are going through a difficult time- may you too feel hope that your situation will soon change for the better.

May God bless you and keep you, may His face shine upon you, and give you peace.

It’s a No

Watch this “Lion and the Lamb” oil painting come alive in 2 minutes (time lapse)

The update to yesterday’s post “Feeling Froggy?” is: no. No, the home owner is not willing to extend our lease by one month so that we can rent a house that isn’t available until June. We must be out by May 31, period. They want to sell and are concerned they’ll miss the housing spike window. Understood. So, I’ll have to put myself into the right mindset to take on this challenge of finding a new place to rent before then. Rents are so high, it’s absurd! We would be paying DOUBLE what we pay now in some cases. We might end up living an hour and a half away from where my family needs to be for work/school and it will even then still cost us a few hundred dollars more in rent than we currently pay.

This is rather heartbreaking because we have worked so hard to rebuild our lives and are only a few months away from buying a house. This could sink us and make us stuck in a rental for who knows how long. I will make sure that doesn’t happen! But, the fear is real.

I’ll have to live by my own words, when I previously featured this lion and lamb painting in a blog post about balancing the attributes of the character of a lion with the character of a lamb. This was the part about fear:

When I’m unsure of what to do, I ask myself “is this an action of faith or fear?” If I’m aligned with the character and attitudes of a lion and a lamb, then my decision is based on faith. If I’m not adhering to those traits, then I’m likely responding in fear. 

Fear is a healthy and normal response, but our actions cannot be ruled by it.

from blog post “Are you a lion or a lamb?”

Feeling Froggy?

See this oil painting of a tree frog come to life in about 1 minute (time lapse)

‘Tis the season- the tree frogs are back! I’d seen a few earlier, but they were hiding in the drawer of my potting bench or otherwise hunkered down. Tonight one has appeared as if anchored by suction cups to the patio glass door, which is what frequently happens during tree frog season. Lizards by day, tree frogs by night. The patio door is a happening place!

Are you feeling froggy? The music for this painting video gives off the vibe I’m talking about- just hanging out, being cool. Nothing gets us in a panic. That’s the attitude I’m taking tonight as I know we have to move somewhere fast, and we don’t yet know where that will be, or how much it will cost- only that it will cost a lot more than we’re currently paying because the housing market has spiked (both for buying and for renting).

I found a house today that is the most reasonable I’ve found yet (still about $200 more per month, but that looks good compared to the $500+ per month I’ve been finding!). It’s in the right location and it seems like it could be a good fit for our family. Since it’s hopefully only for a year, we can manage a bit of misery, so it doesn’t have to be a perfect fit- not that anything is ever perfect, but on the sliding scale of “almost” dream house to House of Horrors, I’m fine with it being in the middle. But the catch is that the house won’t be ready until June 21, and we must vacate the end of May.

So, I’ve asked the property management if they could please ask this home owner (where we are currently living) if we could extend our lease until end of June so we have a place to stay until the other rental opens up. She asked, but the owner wants to talk it over with her spouse, and will get back to us “asap”. Apparently ASAP means tomorrow or later because it’s now bedtime and there was no update. I must have refreshed my emails dozens of times today.

If we get permission to stay here for an extra month, the next step is to secure the new rental. So it’s not a done deal even if the home owner of this house says yes. Someone else may have already gotten the rental contract today while we are stuck waiting. I’ll hear about it soon, one way or another.

Meanwhile, I could fret or I could be like a tree frog. Sure, I don’t know where I’m going, or when, but I’m hanging out with my little green friend. I’m sitting here clacking away on the keyboard, talking to you from my computer chair that is close enough to the patio doors that I can almost reach out and touch the glass, while he’s suctioned to the other side. I wonder if he’s listening to me type.

I’ve chosen to give myself a break from worry and I hope you will too. Whatever your source of stress today, put a pause on your anxious thoughts. Racing from one manic thought to another isn’t sustainable. In these challenging times we need to stay strong. I hope you’ll join me in feeling froggy- just hanging out, being cool.

Spring of Hope

See this oil painting “Flower Angel” come to life in 2 minutes

Today was much better! It was a beautifully gorgeous sunny and warm spring day. I was right, my next blog post isn’t a dreary “Losing Hope” theme like yesterday’s. I worked at packing for the unwanted move, while opening my mind more to the idea that this will end up good for us in some way in the end. I worked on my painting and transplanted more bell peppers for our plant sale. The first created something new, the second is letting go of my garden since we have to vacate before harvest time. Life is often this way, something gained while something is lost.

I imagine our lives as a train station where tracks run both directions. Sometimes they run at equal speeds, sometimes not. Sometimes you can see both trains at the same time, other times not. But one train doesn’t negate the other, even if their journeys and destinations are different. I have to remind myself of this often because I have a tendency to feel as if I can’t enjoy the pleasure trip if a crisis trip is running alongside on the other track. But most of the time there’s an overlap of good things and bad things. We can’t wait for all of the bad things to go away- we must live our lives and find joy where we can.

So, on that philosophical note, I’ll wrap up by saying that our housing problem is unresolved. In fact, it’s worse. There are now NO homes that meet our needs listed for rent by the property management, and very few outside of that company either. What few are available are ridiculously expensive. It’s not a good outlook at the moment. It could change any day. If it doesn’t, we’ll muster through somehow. I’ll take one day at a time. It was a good day because I had a better attitude. I got a lot done. And my husband brought home cookies.