When we feel that someone may be resentful toward us, it’s difficult to be spiritually, emotionally and therefore even physically, at rest. My mom was a very private person who suffered indignities at the hospital. She would have been mortified to realize everything that happened to her, and for many of those experiences she was unfortunately alert and aware. As her caregiver, I felt responsible for what was done to her even though I had no power to intervene (I tried; I had no legal authority). When she died, I felt guilty for not stopping interventions that I knew she did not want; medical decisions made by nurses and doctors that were (to her) a degrading loss of dignity.
When caring for Mom, I regularly brought her cut yellow roses from my beloved rose bushes in front of our big kitchen window. The morning after she died, I looked out at the roses and was startled to see a rabbit quietly sitting there. All day she sat there. The next day, she was there again. The next day, again. All day this rabbit sat in silent vigil at the roses. My family felt it was Mom’s spirit visiting us, helping us let go.
After days of looking out at the “Visiting Rabbit” sitting next to my roses, tension and stress from the dramatic events that happened at the hospital began to ease. How many times had I cut those roses for her? Dozens? More than that? What about shopping for her, cooking for her, doing her laundry, washing her hair, cleaning her bathroom and living area, bringing her gifts, and everything else that shall go unnamed? I had done my best. I had to believe that Mom was not resentful about what happened at the hospital or anything else. She was giving me permission to let go. Wasn’t that what the rabbit was for, to help us let go?