When I painted the double rainbow painting, I was disappointed that I didn’t paint it in a more realistic way, but it was meant to be a fast project. It was somewhat experimental, using a paper towel to blot and remove some color for a fading effect. It worked to some extent, but not to the level I expected. I could have done it better with a paintbrush. But that really wasn’t the point of that particular project. It told a story, which means it met the objective. I had to drop my personal disappointment and move on to the next painting as it was a heavy painting schedule that year.
Well, it was this painting that someone criticized as “a five year old could have done it”. In isolation, this particular art doesn’t represent the kind of work I’m capable of, or the body of work I have done. I thought about removing this from my collection, but I told myself that if I cannot remain humble enough to show my failures and disappointments, then I have lost my way. So every now and then, when I need a double rainbow painting to tell my story, I will dig this one back up even though I know that it doesn’t impress people who judge my art (and me).
Today I was feeling down because the house we inquired about renting had already been promised to someone else. We were too late, and it was upsetting because I’d reached out to the property management and they didn’t answer me. It is like I don’t exist and don’t matter, when it is their company who has managed the house that is pushing us to vacate- you’d think they’d care a bit more about our situation. It brings up a lot of times in the past when I was forgotten, abandoned, not noticed, rejected, and left to fend for myself. These aren’t happy feelings, but I’ll have to push hard and make myself (my family’s situation) noticed.
So, the stressful ordeal continues. We have two months to find a solution to our housing problem. I was stewing about this when washing our outdoor furniture today, preparing it to sell next weekend during a yard sale. I hope to raise enough funds to cover some of our moving costs, and also let go of things to reduce the load we have to move. It’s just stuff. We’ve let go of our possessions before and we can do it again. At least we get to keep more this time. But even so, you can image that my mood while cleaning our things, for others to take for very little, was not exactly joyful.
I scrubbed the furniture down with a bleach solution made with dishwasher pods and hot water, which worked very well to remove pollen and dirt. Then I hosed everything down while listening to music through my headphones (a luxury I don’t often have because I need to be always available and listening to the household while multi-tasking, but this chore was outdoors and I was alone). As I was spraying the water, I felt the sun on my face and realized that I was relaxed. I was enjoying myself- the beautiful weather, the exercise, the music, and the solitude. Everyone was either inside or at work. It was just me and the water, and my music.
This song was playing by MercyMe. The lyrics in particular at that precise moment were “You were made for so much more than all of this” You’re beautiful, just as a rainbow formed from the spray of water. The rainbow, even though easily explained as basic science- water from the hose was caught by the sun- felt like much more than a random event. The rainbow seemed to float in front of my face because it was windy and the water spray was spraying back at me. It was like it was my personal rainbow, almost ON my person.
I will take this serendipitous experience, the water spray rainbow as the MercyMe song played at that same moment, as a small sign of hope. Everything will turn out OK. We’ll weather through the challenges. And if you are going through a difficult time- may you too feel hope that your situation will soon change for the better.
May God bless you and keep you, may His face shine upon you, and give you peace.
