Losing Hope

Watch me paint this oil painting of a lighthouse near Tybee Island, GA in 1 minute (time lapse)

Well, the rental market has spiked out of control! The cheapest rent for the number of bedrooms we need, expanded to a wide area that would require a long commute, is $400 more per MONTH than we are currently paying. That’s nearly $5,000 USD extra we’ll have to pay this year in rent!!! And that’s IF we get the cheapest rent we’ve so far found, and those have already all sold out- already rented! So it goes up from there. There’s a house that would cost us over $1,000 more per month, so, over 12 grand for the year. No, no, no, that will sink us!

The property management of this house says that rents and home sales have gone crazy. There’s nothing they can do to help us, except honor their contract with the home owner and send us the vacate notice (because she wants to sell and cash in, which is understandable, but it means we are once again the LOSERS in this game of life, in which corrupt politics elevates some and crushes others. It feels like we are always the ones crushed! Do you feel the same?). So we’re being kicked out during this treasonous economic housing crisis, with only 2 months to find a place and move out. Except there’s no place to go and all of them will charge us way more than the rental house is worth.

Husband’s job offer is in this area (so we do not want to move yet again to another new state), but he won’t start until after his June graduation and assuming he passes his licensing exam (he will, but the exam testing dates haven’t even been posted yet so we don’t know how long the wait time will be for taking it, getting results back, and then getting the start date). It will be only a few months though, so I tried to find a 6 month lease option to cut down on the horrible rental costs (no) and then asked if an exception could be made. No such luck.

Well, I guess I better say goodnight. Tomorrow will be a better day. I will then be positive and willing to share something better than this. But, I think it’s good to allow myself to be human, and show you that my hope doesn’t come from an easy life. I am not privileged or special. I’m just a person who is sometimes lucky, and often not. My hope comes from faith that tomorrow will be better, and is deeply rooted in a love of God, goodness, happiness, nature, creativity, humor, the collective empathy of the best of humanity (like you!) and my family. Hope doesn’t come from circumstances or lineage. It comes from within.

I’m feeling better already. It will all work out, even if temporarily- it doesn’t. The fruit of the Spirit doesn’t come from earthly prosperity or the easy road. It comes from a faithful life. Of course during times of extreme grief (which I’ve experienced and you probably have as well), we cannot expect ourselves to feel hope at all times. And that’s normal. But when the crisis is the type in which we still have our spouse and children, food on the table, and the expectation of a better future (like this housing situation I’m in), we can muster through another bad year.

God bless you and keep you, and may His face shine upon you, this day and always. And if you can spare a moment to pray that our family find the right housing, I’ll be grateful.


MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Singing with my kids (several years ago) on Christmas Day at a free charity community dinner

This remains one of my favorite events with my kids. Husband is taking the video. This was the first year after Mom died and we had to fill the time we would have spent with her on Christmas. It was also the year that my husband was losing his job and training his replacements (the company was moving out of the country). We had recently sold the house we’d built, meaning I too lost my job because my teaching studio was in the home. We were spending Christmas in a house we’d rather not be in, for what we knew was a temporary arrangement. It did not feel like home, and we had no family members to visit.

I planned, and the kids agreed, that we would volunteer to perform at the free community dinner on Christmas Day. So, my son played guitar for some songs and we sang several carols. But the best was this song in the above video, as it was our last one and we felt such relief that we’d made it through the emotions of the morning.

As you can hear, it was very noisy in there, an absolute din from robust conversation. The vulnerable and needy were surely joyful on that Christmas morning! They were enjoying food and a happy atmosphere. It was hard to even hear us, but we did our best. After we finished, the family that was sitting only a couple feet away from us and had been riveted the whole time, came forward gushing as if we were famous celebrities, “We had front row seats!” 🙂 Behind them, few seemed to even be aware that we were singing, yet this family felt so special; as if they had the best seats in the house for a packed theater!

I will never forget how that felt. Then, we went back to our quiet place, our first Christmas without Mom and our home, and we saw our cheerful tree and our nice presents waiting to open. We had plenty of food in the kitchen, and we had each other. We were truly blessed.

I hope that no matter what your circumstances, that you are able to look around you- even if the place is not your home, even if you can’t be with your loved ones- and you still find the parts of your life that are truly blessed. For if we are alive today, it is for a reason. We are all precious, and we are loved by God. Peace be with you. Merry Christmas!