Tag Archives: balance

Saving for Good

See oil painting “My Son Praying” come to life in 2 minutes (time lapse)

Here’s the painting video I uploaded to YouTube today, as part of my ongoing project to upload my art to that platform. This time, the music didn’t trigger a copyright claim, so I didn’t need to make any changes to the video. The only additions are the subscribe and playlist icons at the end. Other than that, this is the same video I’ve shared with you before. But, like I’ve said many times, art changes depending on how we feel when we view it, what’s going on with our lives and in the world, and the perspective we have at that moment. Does this video feel different to you (if you’ve seen it before)? It does to me.

First of all, I have a different perspective from you because this is my son and he has grown and changed so much from the age he was in this painting. I also know that those candlesticks were my parents’, and my feelings about those have gone through several changes over the years. At the time of this painting I was in a phase in which I wanted those in regular use. It was part of my grieving process. Mom used to save the things she thought were valuable. “Save those for good” was the idea, which meant that I don’t recall her ever actually using those candlesticks that Dad had brought home from the Vietnam War. They were just perpetually “saved for good” until she died.

When I was cleaning out her room, I also found the socks I’d given her for Christmas in her drawer- brand new, never worn. I did not buy those for her to save “for good” (never!). I wanted her to enjoy the fuzzy simple luxury of warm comfortable feet. But she put the socks in a drawer. So, I thought of those socks, and the candlesticks became a symbol of never saving good things until it’s too late.

I see my face in the opening clip of this video (at the top of this blog post), and besides realizing I look much younger there (which means my face looks older), I see that my eyes are sad. I have come a long way and after a couple years of regular use, those candlesticks have only been out a few times since then. You can see one of the candlesticks in this video from my Christmas 2020 show. I think that was the last time the candlesticks were in use.

Watch oil painting “Christmas Star” come alive in 2 minutes (time lapse)

The candlesticks are now tucked away in Mom’s hutch- furniture that has glass doors for displaying dinner plates or special things. I don’t need to use them. They are a bit too fancy for our current living situation and end up in the way in our tight space. I have nothing to prove to myself or to anyone. I was fixated on certain things during the grieving process but life has a way of moving on and drawing us in. I’ve let go. It’s now fine to put the candlesticks away, but where I can still see them and use them whenever I want to, but don’t feel the need to put them in the center of our world.

I still don’t save anything “for good”. I have special things that belong to me and I don’t stash them in a drawer for someone to find when I’m gone. But there’s a balance. When I try too hard to respect the meaning in every second, I exhaust myself. It’s like whispering in a tunnel, expecting the echo of a whisper to be heard. Even if I were to yell in the tunnel, if no one is listening, my voice will still end up bouncing around and going nowhere. Sometimes I try too hard. It’s OK to care a little less, while living a little more. It is good to just “be”.

Protected

See oil painting “Armor of God” come alive in 2 minutes (time lapse)

I’m continuing with my project to upload my painting videos to YouTube, after a long break from using that platform. It seems that my videos are no longer hidden there, at least so far anyway. But, it’s a bit tedious to jump through the hoops for each video and several have copyright claims on them. I used royalty free music from sites that advertise free-use music for content creators. Apparently the catch is that some of these sites hold copyrights on the music and because only one person can claim copyright on a video, it means that I cannot claim copyright for the video myself.

When YT does the auto search for claims and gives the claim to the copyright holder of the music, it means that the content creator (me) no longer has a claim to my own video! There’s no option to split the copyright fairly. Should a mass-distributed music track be given rights that will cause a denial of copyright to all of the other creative content in a video? Well, obviously I don’t think so.

It’s not even that I expect to monetize my videos, that’s not my problem with this issue. First of all, I can’t monetize. I don’t have enough subscribers to qualify. Secondly, I have very mixed feelings about doing it. I don’t like the idea of ads on my videos that I have no control over. So what is the issue then?

It’s really more about someone else having a claim on my work. After years of unpleasant experiences, I work for myself. I don’t want unsolicited scammy partnerships where someone else takes credit for my work. I’ve had too much of that during my lifetime. It’s a spiritual thing. I am independent and don’t like to be taken advantage of.

I do understand that musicians want to be paid, but there are several honest sites that set up ways to pay these indie musicians without a sneaky copyright claim that is triggered upon publishing the video. I also give credit when the musician has expressed how to provide a credit on the video. In this way, I hope to help them get exposure.

But what I’m seeing is that at least one of these copyright claims is from a big record label. So clearly it’s not just about hungry indies wanting a fair payment. It seems as if the big companies discovered that they could stake a claim on hundreds of “nobodies” like me and then it all adds up to a lot of money. It’s volume that would generate wealth from this scheme. Indie musicians would not have that kind of volume, but a record label who has a big music library of “royalty free” download sites could have.

Anyway, it just feels off to me. Call it a gut feeling, as it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense otherwise. I don’t see monetization in my near future, and possibly never, so why should I care? Yet I feel a sense of foreboding, which leads me to the thoughts that I wanted to share in today’s blog post about being protected.

This painting is about protection, as it is inspired by a metaphor about the “Armor of God”, which comes from Ephesians 6 in the Bible. When someone wears a suit of armor, he’s weighed down but he can still move. He has to work harder to carry himself, but he is protected from harm, so it is worth the effort. This is how I felt today when I had to take this video back down and find different music for it, re-edit it, and try uploading it again.

Now, this little video hassle is not that big of a deal. I spent a lot of time explaining to you what’s going on with it, so it may seem as if I’m really agitated over this, but honestly, I only find it to be a pesky nuisance problem that is causing me to waste time doing extra tasks. It’s certainly not a crisis. It is a good example though of times when we can choose whether or not being protected is worth the effort it takes, so it makes a good point for my blog.

I find that it is nearly always worth the effort to do things “right” according to what our intuition, gut feeling, heart, common sense, logic, ability to see patterns and predict future events, understanding of human nature and manipulative tactics, and much more are telling us to do. Whether our risk is small, like this copyright claim issue, or much greater, the process is the same: in order to be protected we may be weighed down and we’ll have to put in more effort.

Apply this to anything in life. Work, money, family decisions, health and lifestyle choices, and much more- all of these can put us at risk of harm. Being protected may take effort. It may weight us down, slowing us down. It may seem easier not to care, to be free of such armor. On the other hand, we may be so anxious that we pile on too much armor and we can barely move at all. The key to this, and nearly everything, is balance.

Feeling protected is a lot like feeling loved. In fact, many people feel loved when they feel safe. And love brings happiness! So, it’s definitely worth the effort to work harder to protect ourselves from harm in all decisions, big and small. Value who you are and what you do. Eat well, live well, and love well. Respect yourself by protecting yourself.

Can we Trust Ourselves?

See this oil painting of a field of lilies come alive in 2 minutes (time lapse)

Can we trust ourselves to always feel or act in a predictable way? Do we ever take ourselves by surprise by doing something that seems out of character? The above painting, “Consider the Lilies” isn’t in my typical style. Sometimes when I sit down to paint, my art doesn’t flow the way that I expect. It doesn’t mean that the new style is bad, even if I don’t personally like it. It only means that it’s different, not what I expected. That’s true of life in general.

There are times when we don’t do or feel, what we’d ordinarily do or feel, and this may be unsettling. But it may be a good thing to let ourselves be unpredictable from time to time, especially if we eventually settle back into a peaceful space of stability and authenticity when we’re done trying something new. We can choose to adopt the new direction or go back to how we usually do things, seeking calm and balance once again. Change can be good, whether temporary or permanent. It’s when we worry about change that we open ourselves up to stress, anxiety, fear, and sabotaging our happiness.

Matthew 6:28b-30a: “Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you?”

How amazing it is, the beautiful intricacy of nature! All creatures fit together into the tapestry of this world, even common flowers like lilies. What a blessing it is when we can simply “be”, when we can accept our place in the tapestry without worry.

When we see ourselves sliding off our normal course, we might feel as if we can’t trust ourselves, as if we’ve betrayed our true nature. But change doesn’t have to mean that we’re losing who we were before and turning into someone we won’t recognize. It’s possible that we’re only expanding who we already are.