Watch this Angel Releasing Dove painting come to life in 2 minutes (time lapse), using broken pieces of shells I found on the beach, and a tiny “dove” from inside a sand dollar I also found there, at Tybee Island, Georgia.
There are times when we must let go, and let our hearts say, “Go in Peace”. This may be a spiritual letting go, a time of grief, or a physical letting go. It’s back to school time for many families and those of us who are facing this transitional time may be feeling more anxiety than usual. After deferring college or other situations, we may have expected a better situation for this year, only to find that the situation has escalated.
Letting go is difficult under ordinary circumstances, but when we are pushed harder than anticipated, it can be more challenging to reach spiritual acceptance of the change of seasons. School is just one obvious example, as it affects so many of us at around the same time every year. But all of us are touched by the change of seasons, as we see summer end and the passage of time has brought new things into our lives that may have been expected or wanted, or may be unexpected or unwanted. Either way, change is difficult.
Even good and happy changes bring a strong degree of stress. It may help to imagine our spiritual self as this angel, and the dove may represent the peaceful outcome of letting go, accepting that life is changing. If the change involves another person, we may wish blessings and a glorious, happy, prosperous, hope-filled flight into the unknown. May we rely on the strength of our love for others to see them through to the other side, if they have passed, or to see them into the future if they are launching into new experiences.
Perhaps the process of letting go is about ourselves. When life changes for others, it impacts us. Even if no one in our personal circle has a major life event, the seasons still pass. Time itself brings changes that cause us to reflect upon our lives and adjust to our new self. As we see July slipping into August, we may feel the change of seasons closing in. We may not have control over time, and future events, but we always have a spiritual choice about how we respond to change.
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When we were children and someone asked us, “Do you want a cookie?” we’d probably have said yes without hesitation (unless it was a type of cookie we didn’t like, or we were allergic to the ingredients in it). But as adults, the simple yes or no decision about whether or not we want a cookie is more complicated.
Beyond any allergies or dislike for the cookie, we might also consider the calories, any ingredients that don’t fit into our diet plan, who made the cookie and how fresh it is, if the conditions of the cookie look hygienic or if the cookie has been touched by many people before being offered, if the cookie has hard decorations that could hurt our teeth, if the cookie is sloppy and will be messy to eat, if the cookie comes with a paper napkin or plate, if the cookie has a political statement written on it, if the cookie is sold by an organization whose politics we don’t agree with, if the cookie is offered free or at a cost, if we are expected to eat a cookie right before singing or speaking in public, if accepting the cookie means that someone else can’t have one (not enough to go around), if not accepting the cookie will hurt someone’s feelings, and probably other considerations I didn’t think of.
Every decision we make as an adult is more complicated than our decision making process we had when we were children. And though it may be tempting to wish for those days back, the truth is that most of us prefer to be adults. For if we still made decisions in a childlike way, we’d be as vulnerable as children. Rash impulsive decisions based on immediate rewards sometimes leads to dire consequences that hurt ourselves and others. There’s a good reason for humans to grow up and learn to make mature, fully thought out decisions.
But every now and then… if offered a cookie (assuming that a single cookie won’t ruin your fitness plan), why not just say “YES, please!” and enjoy every sweet morsel of it? Life is complicated, so it’s a happy thing when we take a break from the seriousness of this world. Sometimes a pretty little cookie really is just a pretty little cookie that tastes delicious and gives us a few minutes of joy. And we can say “YES, I want a cookie!”
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This is a fictional landscape, just something from my imagination, but it was based on a real place in Northern Wisconsin. The place I was inspired by was a wooded area with a waterfall and a single picnic table nearby. There were no flowers, and the scene was slightly different from what I imagined here, but my painting expresses the general vibe for what that place was like.
It was a sanctuary, a hidden retreat from a family camp we were attending. The camp experience had been the wrong fit for us and we were anxious about the whole adventure. We escaped here to this place, to get away from the camp and think about whether or not we were willing to stay until the end. Even though we’d pre-paid for the organized activities for ourselves and our children, the situation felt dysfunctional and pressuring, not our style at all.
I don’t recall how early we left, but we didn’t stay as long as we could have and we dropped out of planned activities. Years later, my favorite memory of that time was when we escaped to the waterfall alone as a family. We’d never have seen that place if we’d not been feeling anxious and in need of a retreat.
Anxiety is defined as an unpleasant emotional state with feelings of dread. There are other definitions as well, including clinical disorders, but for the purpose of this blog post I’m focusing only on the occasional anxiety that is common to all humankind. We all have times when a situation is so miserable that we dread it, maybe even fear it. At the least, we feel stress and apprehension.
When we feel anxiety, it can be helpful to physically remove ourselves from the situation and find a waterfall. But, that’s not often possible! In which case, we can retreat to a spiritual waterfall, as in… calm ourselves into a state as close to “waterfall relaxation” as we can. And in this retreat, we may find lasting enjoyment. Sometimes a miserable feeling pushes us to escape to new positive experiences, habits, and lifestyle changes.
Maybe it helps to watch people like me paint relaxing art? Maybe music is therapeutic, either playing it or listening to it? Maybe physical exercise, a warm cup of tea, reading a book, or sliding under a weighted blanket for a nap is comforting? Whatever your spiritual waterfall is, during challenging times we need to prioritize ways to manage anxiety.
Remember that you aren’t alone. All of us suffer from the human condition of anxiety from time to time, while others may suffer from it chronically. It’s normal to feel anxious when the world feels chaotic, confusing, disturbing, hostile, dark, uncertain and frightening. Find your spiritual waterfall and restore your spirit.
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Watch me paint “Autumn Angel” in 2 minutes (time lapse)
Since today is my birthday, I searched for an oil painting I’ve done that represents who I am. At first, I thought of the most obvious choices, such as ones where I make a cameo appearance, like “Come to the Garden” or “Natalie at the Fountain“. I also thought of paintings that others say represent me, or my most popular signature pieces, but in the end, I decided to go with the one above “Autumn Angel“, who doesn’t look like me, and has not been seen by many people.
At the time, the piece was just to fill a project slot for the collection “50 Oil Paintings Inspired by Savannah, Georgia“. It was inspired by the statues and monuments of angels that tourists like to visit in Savannah’s historic cemeteries. I love the beauty and hope of angels and I decided to paint a “real” one based on likenesses and poses I saw in statues.
I wanted to connect with this oil painting, but I was surprised when I actually, deeply, did. The music especially had a profound effect on me. I watched my own painting video over and over. Something about it feels so sad, so bittersweet, yet loving, peaceful, and kind. Why? Why did I feel this way about this particular painting, when I’ve done so many pieces that were just another project to tick off my list?
Interestingly, this particular painting video was one of the ones attacked by a mob who sought to cancel it because the angel is white. They said she is an “Aryan angel” and therefore racist. Am I not allowed to paint figures who might look like my own heritage? (Irish) I have very fair skin that I cannot change. I had blonde hair when I was a young child that turned light brown, then very dark brown (nearly black) like it is now. I have green eyes. This is just the coloring I was given. I was not born “wrong”.
I have painted diverse skin tones over my career. I do not paint exclusively fair skinned persons. But that’s not really something I have to say. I’ve volunteered it because I want to show that I am experienced in a range of portrait styles, but not to defend myself against something I am not guilty of.
The unprovoked attack by the mob against my artwork was seen only by me. I simply disabled comments and stopped using that platform for new work. It was not a big ordeal involving crimes committed against me, like other situations were. This really was nothing at all… only a few anonymous hateful trolls. It could have become something more if I’d engaged with them, but I didn’t.
However, the incident stirred an expected response in me. I felt violated, as if my personal diary had been read and condemned. I felt protective of this art and didn’t share it much. Why did I feel such a personal connection to this particular painting? I’ve had to reflect on this to write today’s blog post.
While this angel doesn’t look like me, and while no one has given any attention to it as a signature piece of mine, nonetheless, it is this one that I connect with the most. It makes me feel powerful emotions and brings tears to my eyes. This is how I feel about the beauty of life in an ugly and hostile world, a world where joy and grief exist alongside each other.
I love my family so deeply that I cannot bear the thought of them in pain, in fear, or gone from me. The joy of loving them, juxtaposed with the fear of losing them (or them losing me) is what living full out is all about. We cannot have joy without an awareness of grief. Yet every day that we are blessed to share life’s journey is full, happy, and even if woven with trivial irritations or concerns- ultimately beautiful when we are brave enough to love.
Love is like this angel. God’s creation, the elements of nature, surrounds her; ivy is a shelter above her head and autumn leaves cushion her feet. She is not consumed by fire. Though the flames may rage, she remains beautiful and kind. She holds peace of spirit in her hand.
When I looked out my patio glass at this very second, I could see three, no FIVE, birds right now. Two of them are cardinals. The other three look to be finches. They were perched peacefully alongside each other, occasionally fluttering to change positions. They are still there, but continuously flutter and move, so by the time I finish this blog post they will have moved on. A hummingbird has now joined in, had a nip, and is already gone. This is how fast things move in the bird world of nature.
But there are times when I am among them, when I dare not breathe lest they fly away… when they trust me to stand very near them, sharing space in the natural world, where nothing matters except this moment. We are truly living when we stand in love, extending peace, when the flames of this world can’t consume us, and when God’s protection is over our heads and beneath our feet.
We are blessed to be alive another day, and for me, I’m marking another year. May we have many more years together, as you journey with me to reach my lifetime goal of 1k finished paintings. Happy Birthday to me.
🎂
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Watch me paint these cardinals in 40 seconds (time lapse)
I just came back inside after an exhilarating experience! We’ve had a male and female cardinal as frequent visitors to our patio garden bird feeder. This spring they apparently welcomed a nest of wee ones into this world. We think there are five. All are juveniles now, very silly and playful, and accustomed to me being around. They now trust me enough to play and eat while I’m standing on the patio, only a few feet from where they are.
Today there were three cardinals flitting about while a hummingbird was at his own separate feeder… all very near where I was standing. They looked at me occasionally. They seem to like the attention I give them. How amazing to have gained their trust!
Trust from the vulnerable is such a precious responsibility. When trust is granted, we have a moral obligation to never deliberately, willfully, knowingly abuse that trust. Imagine having a powerful position over more than just young hungry birds; imagine having power over nations of people who may believe our words and act on them in ways that may hurt or kill them.
When I feel the spirits of wild birds, I feel the power of nature. Nature is a balanced place where predators and prey exist alongside each other. When things are off balance, something happens to counter it. This too is how humanity works. Trust is a sacred agreement from one soul to another. Those who break that trust will face consequences- if not in this life, surely afterward.
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Watch me paint “Owl and Rabbit” in 2 minutes (time lapse), a landscape that is also available as two separate works “Owl” and “Rabbit“.
You may have seen my previous new painting announcements when I finished “Owl” and “Rabbit”. The final touch was adding the moon. Keeping the landscape simple allows the viewer to write their own story, giving the piece an air of mystery. The art is divided three ways (each animal as a separate work and the landscape as a whole as shown here). If one is a fan of owls, but not rabbits, for example… they can order the print that features just the owl. This was an experiment for me, and I liked how it turned out. I may do a 3-in-one landscape again in the future.
If you’re keeping track, I now have only 3 paintings left for the 2021 collection “50 Oil Paintings Inspired by Nature“. I’m getting excited now, as another set of 50 will be a wrap and I’ll start the new theme! Also, I got my new dress for the final show of 2021… it’s AH-MAZE-ing, darling, AMAZING!
Be passionate in all that you do. Let’s push ourselves hard to feel joy even when the world is doing its best to crush us with darkness. Spiritual and emotional strength leads to mental and physical protection from illness, exhaustion, and defeat. May we be powerhouses of energy and light, protecting ourselves as we shine for others. God bless you this day and always.
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I only meant to paint a faint outline of the fish skeleton, but my daughter looked at the canvas and said, “oh, nice addition to paint the cross in there”. Wow, I didn’t even see that. So then I asked my other daughter what she saw. Expected to hear fish bones or cross. She said, “Heartbeat” (monitor).
What do you see?
So much of what we see is about perspective. I only saw what was in front of my face. I didn’t see the cross shape until I stood back and saw it through my daughter’s point of view. I still can’t really imagine the heartbeat monitor very well- I have to work hard to see what my youngest daughter saw. Sometimes even when we are shown what someone else sees, we just can’t see it like they can.
This is how life is. We may not always see things the same way, but hopefully we can agree on the goodness at the heart of everything we do. God bless you and your families this day and always.
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Another new painting done! One step closer to my lifetime goal of 1k finished paintings! This is also another project done for this year’s collection. I have only 4 slots left to fill to close out 2021 with “50 Oil Paintings Inspired by Nature“! I’ll then start on the 2022 collection, another series of 50. When I have things planned out so far ahead it feels like time is racing by, as my mind is already living in 2022.
My next, and final show for 2021, is a holiday show that will debut in November. I’ve already begun work on that show and I’m so excited for Christmas because of it! If you’ve never seen my shows, they are variety acts that are performed live and then uploaded to this site. There is no editing (as in, the footage is only dressed up with titles, transitions, etc., but we are not “auto-tuned” or over rehearsed. It is mostly candid, organic in performance and style. There are no scripts or teleprompters).
I hope that you enjoy what my family and I do. I believe that there is a strong desire for authentic real voices, talent, and connection. REAL people who love each other, and share with the world what we love to do.
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Surrealism is an art style that combines unusual elements together to produce a dreamlike effect; merging reality with fantasy, simulating the subconscious mind. But sometimes paintings are just “a little bit” surreal. The unexpected, unreal, or dreamlike qualities may be so subtle that viewers of this style of art may not even be aware of it, and yet, they’ll probably sense that something is different that they can’t quite put their finger on.
In “Kitchen Devotions“, there are several elements in the composition that are unexpected. Why are the flowers in a food bowl? Why is one side of the curtain moving slightly, even though the window is closed and the other side of the curtain is standing still? Why are the walls that odd color and pattern? Why does the mug look like it was made by a pottery student? Why is the bookmark floating rather than in perspective? Why does the book look “ghostly” and blank? Why are the flowers spaced evenly apart and straight?
Artists who paint “freestyle” (painting an idea rather than prioritizing a careful, realistic technique), may inadvertently paint in a slightly surreal style. “Kitchen Devotions” was a freestyle exercise to paint whatever came to mind, without looking at a reference or planning ahead. This type of exercise is beneficial for any skill level of artist and may even emerge to become a favorite work or a signature style.
What I want to add today, is a different perspective on Distorted Reality. Rather than looking at it from the artist viewpoint of surrealism, what about when life itself feels surreal? These days I’ve been waking up after vivid, disjointed, and disturbing dreams. For a few seconds upon waking I’m not sure if the dream is real or not… and then later in the day, I may still not be completely able to sort the dream state from reality.
For example, yesterday I had a dream that I had flooded the bathroom of a house I’ve never seen before, but in the dream it was my house. I flooded it with clean soapy water, but I was still concerned that water had seeped inside the walls and would be trapped there to mold or cause water damage to the home.
Later in the day, I was cleaning the real life shower stall of this house, when suddenly I realized that a repaired spot in the stall had fallen out, revealing an open hole that had been apparently plugged with putty at some point. Now I had a real life concern that soapy water had gone into the wall!
Fortunately the hole was very small and I’d noticed the exact moment when the repair patch had fallen off. I cleaned and dried the area, texted my husband, and he stopped by the store on the way home from work to get putty. He re-patched it in seconds. It was really not a big deal, unlike my dream that had me standing in about three feet of water!
But, real life was a smaller version of the dream and it was unnerving to have dreamed something so similar just before it happened. I felt a lot of stress when I saw the gaping hole, even though it was small and turned out to be easy to repair. What a trivial psychic ability! Not much prophetic use for predicting minor anxiety-producing events that are quickly resolved!
However, there have been other times when my portent dreams were not trivial, and it was very sobering when the predictions of my subconscious mind came true. Dreams are sometimes prophetic, but not usually. Many dreams feel like nonsense, or are a boring play about regular life activities. Sometimes dreams are a confusing distorted mix of people and places from our past jumbled together with current places and places we don’t recognize- and maybe don’t even exist!
We might wonder what the purpose of dreams are, but usually we don’t think much about it… until we have an unsettling dream, a vivid dream, or a dream that feels like a portent. I’ve felt lately that life itself feels like we’re in a dream state. More and more, as we merge the surrealism of our sleeping mind with the distorted reality of 2021, it can be difficult to sort out the truth. What is real?
In dreams, we may fear things that aren’t real. Anything can be dangerous in a dream. In our waking life, do we ever fear things that aren’t quite real, or at least not at the level of danger that merits the terror that is conjured up? What is real, and to what degree should we fear the dangers of 2021? Who are the truthtellers? Who are the “experts”? Who do we trust? Who should we fear?
Perhaps my dream of flooding a home, causing lasting damage and dangerous toxins, when the reality was vastly different: one small hole that merely needed to be patched, is an example of a bigger paradigm. Sometimes we fear a flood when the problem is much more manageable. We may even have a fast and easy solution to repair the damage and resolve the problem.
The trouble is, we may not know which way things are going. Life may feel surreal. Is it a flood or a small hole? Does this situation merit a small amount of anxiety and stress, or fear and escalating terror? We may feel confused, disoriented, and exhausted. Conflicting perspectives reach our ears and we may not be able to sort out what is real.
If something or someone is driving fear using hostility, ridicule, and disrespectful, dehumanizing and tyrannical methods that are devoid of empathy, are full of control and manipulation, and possibly even frothing with malice, condemnation and discrimination against those who disagree, then fear isn’t real… not fully real. Because when fear serves a master, the driver is hate (deception), the opposite of love (truth). It is not loving to be unkind, to use bribery or punishment to coerce people (rather than information, patience, and evidence). It is not love that whips up fear. Hate does that.
So when fear hits you from a source of hate, it is NOT real. We must stand against it. Step back, analyze the situation, research it, be patient with ourselves as we sort things out, and treat ourselves kindly. Never take on shame that doesn’t belong to us. Humanity is precious, and our sovereignty is essential. When fear comes through a person, entity, or government that wants us to control us, then we must question its validity.
Emotion and anxiety are not reliable indicators for testing if the things we fear are real. In dreams we may fear things that are not dangerous. That is true of our waking self as well. So we must use logic, facts, accounts from trusted sources, and stories relayed by fellow human beings who have nothing to gain by sharing their truth.
We must also trust ourselves, beyond our emotional self. Intuition is more than a feeling. It is defined as the ability to acquire knowledge without (or maybe ahead of) the evidence, conscious reasoning, etc. to properly analyze the situation as fact. Psychologists recognize intuition as nothing magical, but rather a way in which our minds generate “hunches” in our unconscious minds. It is referred to as a type of knowledge.
Spiritual people have much more to say about the power of intuition. They may refer to it as the voice of your true self, your highest self, or even the voice of the Holy Spirit. Humans have acknowledged and defined intuition in many ways, and hold dear the idea that intuition is meant to help us know what is true. It is mean to protect us from bad things.
When our intuition seems to shout, “Pray NOW”, stop and pray. When our intuition says, “Don’t go that way today, take another route”, do it. There are so many stories of people who mysteriously felt an urgent tug on their hearts to go a different route and avoided a tragic end. Others tell of going a different route and being on the scene to save a life. We may never know why we are meant to go here, or not go there, but often we recognize immediately why we were “told” in our hearts to do something, or not do something. The important thing is to pay attention to what our intuition tells us, and do it.
When the world feels surreal… when things don’t look quite right… when something is off, and we have trouble sorting out the distortion from reality… when we don’t know who is lying, and who is telling the truth… when we don’t know what to fear, or how much to fear… we must trust our intuition.
Often, a flood is just a hole. There is a remedy. All will be well. When our intuition says, “Do not fear”, we must remain strong, steady, healthy, and positive. We will endure. We will persevere. We will live fearlessly.
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Watch me paint “Forest Fire” in 1 minute (time lapse)
What scares you? Fires, hurricanes, storms, floods, criminal violence, car/plane/train crashes, losing a loved one, medical issues, loss of freedom? Open spaces, closed spaces, heights, water, heat, cold? Social anxiety in a crowd, or isolation when not in one? When things stay the same, or when things change? Finding your own way, or being told what to think?
Faith is about believing even when there is no evidence of our belief. We just “know”. Some call it intuition. Others think of this as a spiritual commitment to hold certain truths in our hearts, never wavering or disloyal to a higher calling. Usually this relates to living a moral life, defined by our personal values. For animals, faith seems much less complicated. Little birds may be literally pushed out of the nest by their mothers, but in a few short seconds they believe that they can fly- and indeed, they can.
When we believe in who we are, and the abilities we were born with, we trust that we can do what we were meant to do. Faith comes easier, requiring no proof of our claims, if we make a spiritual, intellectual, and physical commitment to be true to our purpose. If we believe we are meant to be strong, healthy, and positive for our families and communities, we can act in faith to BE strong, healthy, and positive.
Fear can be a mysteriously beautiful thing, just like an out of control forest fire. When we are afraid, we are aware of how fragile life is, and how vulnerable we are. We are aware of how precious time is. We may see our role in this universe as very small, but each of us are a tiny intersection point on a vast web. We matter. Every life connects to other lives. When we lose a connection point, part of the web falls apart. All of this may come to us in a fuzzy sort of way that we don’t analyze, but on a gut level our focus is sharper when we are afraid.
Fear is an opportunity. Do we rise? Do we respond with cowardice, submission, and defeat? Do we abdicate our responsibilities to others, and let them dictate our lives? When we give up our authority, when we surrender our sovereign self, we allow fear to be an excuse to abandon who we are, to lay down our purpose under the cloak of compliance.
When we choose to rise in the face of fear, some may call it choosing faith over fear. But perhaps it’s more fitting to say that we choose faith through fear. Fear can be an exhilarating journey; when we are aware of death, we are aware of LIFE. Our passion to live may be ignited, cultivated, and utilized to provide lasting change. We may “level up” spiritually, intellectually, and even physically. Mind, body and spirit are always connected. When we elevate in one, we elevate our full selves.
Fear can be a blessing. The choice is ours. Fight for your purpose. Never give in, back down, or give up in the face of fear. Embrace what scares you and stand firmly rooted in who you are. May your responses be in alignment with your core values, and never compromised by the demands of other entities, agendas, or people.
I finally started my new painting today, after two days of planning to do so, but getting distracted by family things. I don’t regret going with the moment and focusing on the family. Awareness of time helps us choose what’s most important. Even though my vocation is very important to me, work is work. It is here today, and gone tomorrow, even if I become successful enough to be legendary. One day my art will mean whatever people want it to mean, with or without me.
But love is forever. What we invest in people lives on spiritually, eternally. When we experience fear, we understand this concept in a heightened way that is a blessing, should we accept. I accept. I hope you do as well.
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